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I was lighting my pumpkin buttercream candle yesterday to flush out some of the “children live here” smell that has accumulated.  Paige wanted to put my fancy Yankee Candle lampshade on my candle that cost me half the debt of Dubai from one of her school fundraisers.

“I was VERY careful, Mom.”  Paige is one of those people who will tip toe through life.  She’s like me.  She’s in her head too much.  When she was little, a fire alarm would throw her into a full-blown panic attack.  I actually felt the need to inform her pre-school teachers about this for fear that a surprise fire drill would leave her in the fetal position, sucking her thumb on the floor.

“Thank you for being careful, Paige.”

“Wanna hear the six rules for fire safety?” she asked.

I didn’t think she was actually giving me a choice in this, so I participated.  I’m glad I did.  Here are the six rules of fire safety as Paige sees them:

1. NEVER play with matches.

Alright, this one’s good.  I’ll go along with this one.  And I’m sure it only made it to the number one position because she had just watched ME play with matches.

2. NEVER hide from the fire fighters.

This is also good.  Those firefighters can look very alien-esque under all that equipment.  And haven’t we spent a lot of time trying to teach them to never go willingly with a stranger?…

3. If you hear the fire alarm, get out of the house.

We have our family meeting spot all picked out after our pre-school teacher insisted we do this, then DRAW it on a piece of paper and write down, verbatim, our discussion on it.  I picked a family meeting place whether I wanted to, or not.

4. NEVER go back in the house for anything.

We have a very fabulous mischievious chocolate lab puppy.  As much as it would kill us to lose her, if she doesn’t come out with us on the first round, we are in no way to go back to try to rescue her.  We’ll save that for the aliens, er, firefighters.

5. NEVER go back in the house for pictures.

She’s starting to lose me.  This shouldn’t be number five.  This should only be 4b.  It’s more of an offshoot of four.  If we go back in for pictures, and not the dog, I think the dog has every right to be slightly irritated with us.

6. NEVER touch a printer that’s on fire, or you will burn, burn, burn.

Um, what?  Why is the printer on fire?  What the hell have you kids done now?  And is this so common a problem that we need to make a whole separate rule for it?  And why narrow that to just printers?  Let’s leave it at don’t touch anything aflame.

I don’t believe you can get that last one anywhere but here.  Now you know.  Be careful of your rogue printers.