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“I’m a super spy and this is my spy pencil!” Paige told me yesterday as she got off the bus. 

“Oh yeah?  What are you spying?” 

“Dawn!” she exclaims.  Dawn, is her bus driver. 

“Oh, that must be exhilarating spying.  Watching a woman drive a bus.  Fascinating.” 

She went off to find a piece of paper in the house to write down everything Dawn was doing.  I’m guessing only one word was needed on the paper.  Drive.

As she’s getting ready for the bus this morning, she grabs a leopard print fedora we got her during the back-to-school rush that has a hot pink bow tied around it.  “I’m going to take this, so I can put it over my face so Dawn won’t see me.” 

Yeah, I always miss the leopard with a hot pink stripe in the suburbs. 

“Why are you spying on Dawn, again?”  I question. 

“To see what she’s hiding.” 

“What could Dawn possibly be hiding?”  Sometimes I wonder why I ask so many questions.  Sometimes it’s just best not to know how Paige’s brain is working.

“Well, she’s hiding coffee.  And coffee’s BAD for you.” 

Keep in mind I drink about two pots a day.  Maybe she sees the after effects of the shakes and the eyes bugging out of my head.  She sees me looking at her oddly, so she rephrases, “Well, a lot of splenda is bad for you.” 

See?  Better not to know.  “YOU only use one or two splendas, Mommy, so you’re okay.” 

“And how many do you think Dawn takes?  Forty-six?”  Why am I even getting into this argument with her?

“Well, no, but she may take three.” 

So, one or two splendas okay, three is bad and hazardous to your health.  Got it.

I hope Dawn knows she’s being stalked by a forty-eight inch tall maniac.