I am losing it. Slowly, but steadily, I am in a mental decline.
I would like to attribute this decline to “Mommy Brain”, but sadly, I’m not sure I can keep deceiving myself this way.
It’s started the way it normally does with a few missed appointments, the ol’ “Where the crap did I put my keys?” fiasco, and walking into a room and completely forgetting why I had been wandering in that direction to start with.
A few weeks ago, myself, my husband, my step-father and both kids sat down to dinner. My step-father, who was seated across the table from me, looked at me half way through dinner and said simply, “Yes.”
I had just sat down from getting kid two drink three, and I stared at him blankly. “Yes? Yes what?”
“You just asked me a question.”
“I did?! Refresh my memory, what did I ask you?” He got too much of a kick out of the fact that I never even remembered speaking and never did tell me what I had asked, and to this day, I have no idea what I asked him, even though I had, according to him, just spoken. Let’s hope it wasn’t a question of whether there was an imminent apocalypse.
There have been countless other forgetful’s along the way. But I can’t remember now what they were.
And then yesterday, something happened that made me question the whole “Mommy Brain” or “totally losing my shit.”
I got in the shower, washed my hair, enjoyed the time I couldn’t hear my children screaming over the running water, and, of course, the scalding hot water that I use to burn off the first layer of skin. I remember grabbing my shower pouf. I remember lathering it up with my Japanese Cherry Blossom body wash. Once sufficiently soapy, I promptly rinsed it off, and rehung it off the hook I have on my shower caddy.
Then I thought, I don’t think I actually WASHED myself with that. After an internal argument as to whether or not I had just actually washed, I realized that, indeed, I did just soap it up and rinse it off.
I had to take it back off the hook, suds it back up and make sure I kept a train of thought while I made sure I got through washing. It’s apparently not something I can accomplish anymore while letting my mind wander.
What is the earliest diagnosed case of Alzheimer’s? Hopefully I can pull off the whole “Mommy Brain” thing until at least the kids are old enough to understand why Mom has been put in a place where they can medicate her regularly.